Why do I feel that there's a wall in between our communication...? I hope I'm thinking too much, but I really need someone to hear me out, talk to me, show some interest in my life. I feel like I'm living alone in this world.... I can't see or feel anyone around me.... I think i only recognize you in my life before, and now I don't see you I feel I'm alone.... In office, at home, on train... In this world. I'm too attached to you.... I need to free myself from my miserable world, can anyone save me? None of my business is your responsibilty, my happiness. Physically and emotionally tortured. I knew I would go thru this.... I even told you, but it's you, who promised you will make things better. And I believed....I know you are working very hard... But it doesn't mean that you can ignore me right??? How tired am I I had never ignore you, ignore your needs. I try so hard to be your perfect wife, taking care of your needs.... I don't need you to take care of my daily needs.... Just be more concerned towards me.... I know every concern you asked about me is just for asking only.... You don really bother.... Why can't you treat me like how you were in 2005? I don need you to give in to my unreasonable tantrum.... I just want to feel the true concern.... Feel how you really get worried for me... If it can't go back.... Then please stop my life now.

Its been awhile.

Yooooo. My Isaiah is so activeeeee. haha. (":v") my babyboy, and my ("v") my old boy.

                                                                 
















Before                                                          After.

like not very obvious but its really big now already!! haha. 27weeks along.

See my swollen feet :(



















                                              I knew i loved you before i met you. Isaiah Lee

I have so much things to cry about, I can cry the whole day.

Really damn sian. I strongly feels like giving birth in mt a! All sorts of negative remarks coming to me about kkh, yet have no choice... Everytime thinks of this makes me weep.

Being happy is so difficult. True friends is so rare, considerate humans is extinct.

Sigh

As if that's 理所当然。

Lol what's wrong with me.

Die

I wanna die. Die die die. In the past whenever I feel like dying I remind myself there's other dealing with stuffs worst than mine. BUT NOW I DON'T CARE, THEY SHOULD JUST DIE TOO. Whatever. NO ONE CARES ANYWAY

Fuckeveryone

I hate everyone in this world, every single one. Except my mom. That's about it. If dying wasn't painful I'll be long gone.

Fuckthispatheticwomen

Why can't I learn to be as selfish as you? Why no matter I also will think for you? Why am I not sian? Im really fed up with this fucking person here. Why are you not abit like ur 17 years old self? You know you are fucking pathetic? You husband is wants to do junks, you cry and he can even ask you you cry for what? Tht you actually agreed when you scared he sian, but what has he done? Even he think it's no wrong to play game the whole day on your offday you still think of buying food for him? While he rather play game the whole day also don wan accompany you? When he say he appreciates you but still PLAY GAME FOR WHOLE DAY? When you have to do all the house chores and buy food for him even if you are now 5 months in your pregnancy? Fucking wake up your idea, no matter how much you do just to get a little bit back you'll never get it. So stop. Stop this heartache stop these tears. Stop the love, ignite selfishness. Probably you will be happier. Fuck this shit.

Quick come my precious

Mommy waiting for your arrival anxiously.... I think only you could make my life meaningful now.

Leopard never changes it's spots

You want say till you got your rights not to accompany me right. Alright, I have my rights too. You want play selfishness, I can play too.

A very happy birthday.

Turned 24 yesterday! Haha. Sibei old leh. Didn't have a havoc birthday, but I had a very heart warming and happy birthday. Just being with you makes me happy :) I know you have been really concerned about me, making efforts for me. I really appreciate it, appreciate you. Ytd at tiong bahru I can really feel the parting sorrows like the past, its like everything just happened ytd. We came by far.... Tough, we always say we wants to give up, but knowing deep down we'll never be able to separate from each other. Reminiscing how we got together... Ran away together.... Be in deep troubles together.... Cry,laugh together... Tried to love somebody else, but always a fail. 7 years has past, and now we are married, entering another stage of our life. Till now, Im still unsure of what quality makes a good wife, but im trying my best, ever since I signed the 卖身契... Sorry for every unreasonable tantrums I make! And pardon me if I make any mistakes again alright. Lol. I'm so relieved everything is fine for precious, I can't wait to give birth to our baby(although I always say it's not yours, but you had never doubt that. Im really glad that I had a husband like you. :)), just like initially I can't wait to bear your baby. Haha. You don't know one la. It's always my wish to have a baby with the love of my life, and I can confirm its you, no one else. But I'm
Now is in the least confidence of my shape... Getting fatter and fatter with unknown possibilities of slimming down after delivery. Lol. Keep thinking will I be a disgrace to you in futue? We have bad points, and we might not be able to see our good points sometimes, but as long as love is still there, we will make it through every today. I love how we can talk about anything under the Sun and beyond. I love everything.. I love you. No words can express my love for you, you know it. :) I love you!!! Always and forever.

Boring.

Decided to stay with kkh. Lol. I actually prefer mount a better. But... Aiya! Ahboy ah, 都怪你妈妈没用，不会存钱啦!!  天真的我。i thought if he stayed with that job of 3-4k it would be sufficient, but who knows.... Things always get out of hand. Lol. If I'm going to have another baby, I would make good preparation first. Went for the booking of flat ytd. BLK 804A #10-12 huat ah. Hahaha

我到底做错了什么....

人家连auntie都不叫，你却眉开眼笑。 我每次叫你，你却愁眉苦脸。 Sigh.

It's a boy!.... At least 80%

Sorry I'm lateeeee! Had the detailed scan, my naughty precious made the sonographer kinda headache. Haha his face was facing up all the way, even after I went out for a 10 mins walk. Sonographer lady kept giving out those laughs like "Haha... Really cannot.... How ah... Haha..." which is really stress and funny at the same time. It makes it hard to measure his rump, which is the circumference of his head from above. It was only until the late part after various tries of coughing and shaking my belly then she has a better view. So... The second most important thing after all the organs and part were present was.... Gender! My shy baby had his legs closed all the way. At the wits end, she hand over to another lady to see if luck is with her lol, but it's still the same, so when she was going to give up, she asked me to lie on my left side. And suddenly the second lady exclaimed "EH?" while pointing to the screen and the first lady hurry went to screen. So tada! My ah boy opened a little, and she say okay... It's a boy. 80%. Cos she saw something which looks like penis. I would like to thank both of them cause they really give their efforts. And they were just as anxious as us. Haha. Dear told me something I feel absurd.... He wanted a girl becos he don't need to bring her out alone as he can't bring her to the toilet. What kind of reason is this. What a shallow person omg lol. Then we start to think about the name.... Deciding between Elijah or Isaiah... Still not decided yet lol. It'll be with him for life leh! Must decide seriously. Lol and as always, -.- when asked a serious question no answer among our friends is appropriate. Dear son, I can't wait to kiss you. Dear husband I can't wait to box you.

I felt you

Went to YouTube to kill my time while waiting for dear to be home. Saw this video showing a very obvious kicking at 20 weeks, I'm 20 weeks now. Thou I can feel baby kicking all the time but I doubt I can see it so I lie on my back and observed. After a min When I feel the kick I can seriously see my belly moving! Hahaha. Very incredible feeling!!! I love bb!! And I love this man who bought my angel to me. Lol. Next tues!! 3 more daysss!!!

Please go back to your balance.

I've never drop a tear for my life before.... Be it good or bad , poor or rich. I always take it very easily and believe things would get better. And now I am crying like a dog about how life is fucking me hard. Things that appear in my head just get worst. Just a moment ago I'm feeling happy and now depressed? Wtf. Hormones is really powerful. Stop making me. I'm not like this, and I don't like it.

I want to see my precious!!

My god my god. I can't wait for next scan! 24thhhhh come faster please! Btw, I can already feel precious moving. Haha. So active! Whenever I feel the flutters everything unhappy just fly away~ thou it came back awhile later.hahaha. My hubby is so sweet today. Not like ytd. Ps me the whole day humph. I love you do much! Hahaha.

My patience is getting bad.

I wish I could express it out like how she did. Everytime I fake that smile while address her I just turn around and sigh. Nobody I can say it to, I'm not in any position to comment about it. Am I so detestable? I honestly think that I did what I can being a dil, you did nothing as a mom not even mil. Your son is in a very down period, instead of understanding you brought him more problems. To me, if you have never try to help our problems, you have no right to comment about it. Before you wanna say how bad we did, think about have you try to help? Only pushing us deeper and deeper. Probably it's my hormones, but I'm worried I might just ignore her one day. You want people to respect you, respect others first, no matter how old are you, this is the rule.

How heartless.

It's heart wrenching to realise she don't care about her grandchild at all. I don't mind how she wants to treat me, but I can't stand it when she don't even bother about my bb. Consistently cooking for unrelated friends but i don't see her cooking for her grandchild, but nvm, don't cook better, so I don't need to decide whether my bb needs to address her grandma anot. I can see it in the genes. Lol.

Everyday see hubby work till so unhappy, I feel so unhappy too. I know that kind of feeling.... And you still have to fucking drag yourself to hell. Haha. I love you alright muacks muacks. 不要不开心，老婆在这里。

Progress.

Recently having abit leg cramps... Donno how long never leg cramp already lol~ Projects at work is really pissing me off. Not abit organize at all, causing all reports done keep having to redo again! So waste time! Zzz. Sat today! I still ot till 530! Was asked to go back tmr too.... Hesitating... Sunday double pay leh! But I should take good rest right.... Sigh what a dilemma. And it seems like my cough is coming back, nightmare mode activated again. -.- anyway due to some unforeseen circumstance, we'll go to kkh for anomaly detailed scan on 23rd this month, should be able to know bb's gender! Excited hoho. Time is passing too fast, it seems like ytd I just got to know about bb. Ahhh I love my bb! You're my only hope.

我的孩子啊

我为了你，忍辱负重， 只希望能看着你长大。 你是我唯一想活着的理由。

My love.

I hope it stay this way, always and forever.

Getting on my nerves.

God, why do I have friends who are so retarded? Seriously.... Do you have to ??? And huh to everything. Use your brain la omg what is it for. Can't be bothered already, shouldn't have them spoiling my day like always.

Have received a queue number for our cck BTO ballot, queue 150. 

Donno whether should we get happy or not. 

Well, its a happy event of course, but the fee to pay on the booking day which falls on 1 month later is totally out of budget. 

I know dear is really stressed out, me too.... but never give up hope alright. I love you. 

An Angel in disguise.

I feel that im really blessed to have Angie as my friend.

She's always there when i need a ear, she's willing to be punching bag, she said.

I dont have much friends, much less a true one.

But she's someone you know you can trust, and who will always be at your side of the bet.

Even though she is really busy coping with her family and work,

she still makes out time to concern how's ur day.

No matter how much im crying, she never fails to calm me down.

The feeling of "somebody actually understands you" is something precious.

Really pei fu her, no matter she gets back the same attention and concern anot, she is still willing to give so much.

God, Please bless her and her family as she's sucha awesome women.

Please keep her and her family safe and sound.

Her precious, Elena.

Sincerely,

Michelle

The only heartbeat I can feel.

Been pressing on my belly and I can really feel a heartbeat that's not mine which is on a very high frequency. I keep thinking its just my mind messing with me, but after I told dear to try he say he can feel it too!!! Haha and he was so excited keep shouting 有leh有leh！！！

lol. - My pay is really shit of the shit.... I'm really so fucking stress and unhappy. Stupid hormones. So much things in my mind, gonna explode!

Im back, recording these precious moments.

Hey yo. I'm back!

 Wa its been 2 years since I last blogged. I can see spiders building empire here already. Lol. But here I am again! I know there are no one following this blog, but what makes my drive of continuing is the lil precious life within me. Yes I'm expecting! Found out about the angel on 9th of April. Actually even before the actual day of my suppose menstruation I already had this very strong hunch that I'm having a baby, lol. I kept telling him and reminded him so he can be prepared but he kinda entertain me everytime I say it lol. So after I missed my menses I'm even more affirm of it, a few days later we had the test and it was positive, I can totally see his sibei shagg face the next few days lolol. I was really surprise at his reaction thou... Well, he did propose to me last sept 2011, but I know that ring is just to get back together, cos everytime I talk about marriage he goes all frustrated. I always wanted a baby...He think we are not ready, But now I consider myself lucky I got pregnant at the stage that we are both working, and not like still jobless and hanging around, thou he still got all depressed. Lol. I was very happy at that point thou i sense the stress coming along. FYI, I'm a super optimistist while he is super pessimistic! Hahaha. Not easy ya. Trying to assure everything will be alright is really tiring cos he is always telling me we can't handle it. So we scheduled for the ROM on 20 May. 520 oh~ haha. Getting married is NOT easy. Or you can simply consider it as TEDIOUS. There are so much thing to do, inviting a solemnizer, look out for banquets, going bridal fair for wedding photo packages, and I don't even wanna mention that tradition of Chinese omg! Thou we did all that, but we did it very simple. We signed up the photoshoot package at 2k in a bridal fair with Bridal Zone, Grace, at Marina Square, she is nice, and agreed to give us alot of things out of package. Did the betrothal with the help of Irene, His ex manager, she is so nice to agree to be our mei ren. Brought the pig trotter cans and betrothal angbao up to give mom. He kept complaining everything is so troublesome lol. I start to wonder.... Am I really the one he wanna marry home.... We quarrel alot... And we nearly gave it up... I was really determined, I couldn't take it. I need alot of support during this period. So many things to do and I'm always feeling tired the first 3months of my pregnancy, probably he still haven really feel that fact, so he don't understand... We separated a few days. He asked for a chance back after a few days.... I agreed. As long as there's a chance I'm willing to work it out... And this is what always fail me. Rather than having banquet, we decided to make a small party with friends in Hotel Re! Suite room, as I'm kinda attracted to the waterbed and jacuzzi in room hahaha. So now the problem issss, we need table and chair setting in order for the solemnization to be held, initially we wanted to bring our own table and chairs(laughs), but realise it's a bad idea as we got no transport to bring them. Hence we contacted the event coordinator to enquire what could be done, so we went down to take a look at the suite room, we immediately decide on the silver suite as the colour is nicer and there's a hanging chair in there! So cute haha. They told us they could arrange the settings for us at a cost of $300(exclude gst) on top of the room rate.... Bo bian circumstance so we accepted the proposal. Next we went down to choose the gown at boon keng area. They seems quite rush but I can understand cos we went quite late haha, and I don't like to troublesome people so I swiftly chose my gown. And dear were quite excited, cos they has the coat which make him look like han kok(Korean). Lolol.

Childish Daddy-to-Be.

On the actual day, everything went smoothly... Except that the jacuzzi is not working (but anyway I'm not allowed to bathe in there, not good for baby) and! Calvin was so nice to bring his ps3 as dear wouldn't allow me, but the tv couldn't connect it. Sot! 

He wants the korean feel. lolol

 

With Jo and Zy.

 

 

 

Thanks guys.

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jacuzzi Bathtub

i love the toilet.

Hanging Chair!

Very nice mirror.

Waterbed.... my god its really very comfortable.

P.S What Kind Of Fucked Up Photo Arrangement has Blogger Got?????!!!!

But anyway Thanks everyone who came! I really enjoyed this day I became Mrs lee. Unknown everything ahead. Lol! Went to kkh for check up on 22/05, see my precious for the first time. I ask the sonographer if I can have a picture of it afterwards she say provided if she can sees it. I thought I might be able to see it(I was 12 weeks along), BUT! The moment the scan touches my belly, I can see it so clearly! My tears just went down, so amazing, I have a life inside me.
                                                  

Dear didn't went with me as he gotta work , but he promised to go with me the next time. Took blood for test. Arranged the OSCAR scan(scanning for down syndrome) on 1st of June, so worried. On 1st June we did the scan and dear was able to see his baby too. Thou he look so puzzled trying to understand the scan but he really seems excited, and he ask if can see the gender haha. I know you are so concern! Initially he strongly wanted a boy, but now he say girl is better, sweeter. Haha. No matter the gender, we just want a healthy baby! See the assistant to know the results and..... Result is excellent! What a relief!
                                                  
                                                Only 1 week, precious grow alot! Hehehe. <3<3

My next appointment will be on 29th June which is tmr(I'm now 17 weeks along! :) ), but decided not to go back to kkh as the service there is really kinda bad. And we chose Thomson Medical Centre's Dr Wong whose clinic is just at gombak mrt so we need not travel so far for appointments. Search thru the webs and forum to see reviews about him, it turned out he really does has alot of praises, No bad remarks yet. Feel safer now. Lol, wanted to make the appointment tmr, but as the slots are fully booked, so become next thurs,might have a chance of knowing the gender! Hohoho, and it's been a month since i last saw bb, very worried! Need my piece of mind. 
 My bumps are more obvious now.

Through the weeks that I'm not having any checkup or scan, I'm really very worried. As I had a very bad cough, I'm still coughing now and it's nearly 3 weeks alr! I went to see 2 doctors in between, the first doctor at bukit gombak is crap. He sees me not even 1 min and ask me out alr. As expected, I didn't recover after finish his med. and I'm having real neck pains and itchy throat which makes me couldn't sleep at night! Worst nightmare I ever experienced. After going to the second doctor at bukit batok, who is obviously so much better and concerned, got several medicines, cost me $60 T_T can die cannot sick. Lol. I don't understand how can I give out so much noises in my sleep, well since young I have this symptom, whenever I'm going to be sick I will give out this buzzing sound during my sleep, depends on the level of illness, the sound will get louder and intense. Lol. And for this time I make the noise even when I'm trying to sleep. I can hear it, but it didn't disturb me at all... But it definitely disturb hubby. Lol, but I can't control it at all sia. My apologies dearest hubby. Im recovering now, very slowly thou. Haha better than nothing. At least my ache is gone for good. I'm currently working as an admin! First office job. Not really bad, time passes so fast. Too bad the salary is like shit. Lol. Just have to bear with it now I guess. Baby, I promise... When you're out, I'll definitely try and give you the best. Love you. Life is getting more stressed, but I Believe still we will make it. Dearest hubby, im happy that survive these years, and has begun the next stage of our relationship. I just hope we would cherish every second and make it count. I love you.




Sincerely, 
Michelle.