im having insomnia again..
i donno why it acted up again.
im so tired, but i couldnt sleep.
i don wanna wake up in heartache, realising that it was jus a dream.
it hurts so bad....


i need no one, but you.

Sunday is always the disaster day for me.
it's my dad's off day, and its a sure thing that he will get kwaytiao for breakfast for me,
hmm its been this dish for about 4months, every sunday.
and previously was chicken rice every sunday for 6months.
this is my dad, his mind will be locked for a few months before he realise that.
then after that mom would be quarreling with dad why does he go to e market so long,
go chee hong is it. you cant imagine. its happens for every sunday,
jus like how things come alive every night at the museum.
then, lil nephew would snatch tv from my dad, and they start scolding each other.
it stays like that all the way till night.
horrible.
"cleaned" up my links jus now, and added some new links.
boring!!!
i wan job!!!
i wan tio toto and 4d!!!
..............
but i don buy. -.-
boring.

btw, went to watch Night At The Museum 2 with angie and joanna. hahas.
so funny.
but i still thinks e 1st one is better.
donno why like series movies always ended up 1st part is the nicest?
probably cos the first one would be so nice so people watch 2nd part... and expected too much?
humans are never contented =p
but got one part is really funny laaaaaaa.
"And i have CAME BAC.... nevermind jus pass me the tablet."
LOL. don understand? go watch!
Rating: 8.5/10

okay well, recently i've finally straighten out my thoughts.
Telling myself, "you aren't going to sleep with ur mom for e future 6 months.... aren't you?"
"You should face your fear and not avoiding it. Face the fact! your boy is not going to sleep beside you for 6months!"
"And heck it! THERE'S NO GHOST IN THIS WORLD!"
so this 2 days i've been sleeping alone.
i felt like this is a very big achievement.
pls give me some compliments.
It's been a long time since i've done that.
Can you feel how proud am i?
laughs out loud.
anyway, these 2 days i've been dreaming of dear,
released and everything.
Went to the usual party and i got caught dont know becos of what!
Scenario is like,
the police say "but ur friends said that u did that!"
me: "if i were to say i saw u killing someone ytd, is that valid?" and i was thinking oh ya you can say you have witness proving you were at somewhere else. im dead this time.
police ponders* and say: "okay fine i'll let you go"
probably in my subconscious police are ****? i donno. lol.
sent like 76178936 resumes?
pleaseeeee i need a job!
i need money!




You're not alone, neither am i, cause our heart beats as one.

im so disappointed.
in which a friend, once so close.
its not becos that you rejected it, its not the first time anyway,
but did i say anything at that moment?
afterall, its not an obligation to help me, i know that.
i expect to be rejected.
but never did i expect that you would totally ignore me.
what is this?
im not angry...
but disappointed.
and i repeat, not becos u rejected, but becos you IGNORED.
so disheartening.
the years spent building that friendship has just gone to waste.

What will be remembered is not the words of enemies, but the silence of friends.

I miss how you would fuss over getting up earlier than you in e morning.
and not continuing to lie next to you.
I miss how you ask me to cook for you, when my condition is piggy back me to e kitchen.
I miss how you would automatically stay by my side when i cook,
and scolding me for eating too much.
I miss your reaction when i switch to a channel showing horror movies.
I miss how we always snatch our turns to play games,
and how we gave stupid reasons that why we should be the one.
I miss how you are always reaching out for my hand outside,
and strangling me if i deliberately tries to avoid it.
I miss how you scold me for being so careless.
I miss how you always get angry when your frens teasing you and i dont side you.
I miss the attitudes you would give, when i didnt mention to meet.
I miss how you would say " you look tired" when you're the one who is tired.
I miss how we would always talk about everything, anything.
I miss how you would always put your hands under my head,
hugging, and patting me to sleep.
I miss how you would kiss me goodnight without fail.

Too much thoughts, too little words.
im gonna miss all these for 6months,
i showed that im gonna be so fine.
but no.
everyday when i wake up, i wished everything was just a dream.
every night when i sleep, i hope that i wouldnt wake up.
but i cant?
im gonna stay strong till ure out.
numbing myself with all the memories every moment,
but whatever it is, it still hurts.
291105,190409

no matter how i disappoint her, she still dote on me.

i feel so useless to disappoint her all e time.

and yes, i love my mom.

i should have know it.

i knew how much trouble its gonna lead,

but i still didnt stop him from falling into this deep cave.

im useless duh.

dont know wtf am i doing.

failed as a girlfriend.

6months... before i can hug you again.

yea its a test, to our love.

and rest assured i will pass the test with flying colours.

afterall, besides waiting for you, what can i do?

and seriously Eric Koh Hong Lee AKA Xiaohai,

you can go die for heaven's sake.

hope you'll get a lifetime imprisonment + ghosts haunting you every night.

you fucking make false statement and push your doings to my boy.

May god has mercy on you... as i wouldnt.

its been awhile folks.
how are my friends?
im in joanna's so called chalet cum lanshop which is her house.
my boy is taken away from me today.
never felt this lonely before.
even if im surrounded by friends, my life still seems so meaningless.
come back to me quick.
god bless... please dont let anything serious happen.
i love and miss you always.
P.S. he's not dead nor involve in accident, for those who is wondering.